'You aren't his ATM': Dude refuses to lend money to overspending brother, but their mother disagrees

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 2, 2023 11:00 AM EST

One guy posted his recent family drama to Reddit, asking if he really needs to be responsible for his brother's complicated financial situation. As he wrote to r/AmItheA******, this guy explained that he and his brother are both adults with families, but the ways they spend their money are quite. For the OP, living with kids and a wife, he tends to be more conservative with his money. 

He decided to use a chunk of his money to add a plush bathroom to his house. If you've ever lived in a house with only one bathroom, you totally know how difficult that can be. Two bathrooms for four people seems about right. But the OP's brother feels entitled to the OP's money, putting them in an awkward family squabble. 

In this next article, one woman asked for advice regarding her friend's posts on social media, which sound suspiciously like her own life experiences. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 9731109632
    via Cloris Ying on Unsplash.com
  • 02
    Font - . Posted by u/Individual_Poem7543 3 hours ago r/AmItheA AITA wasting money on a bathroom and not helping my brother.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 03
    Font - My tenth anniversary is coming up and my kids are getting old enough to be a pain in the butt regarding our single bathroom. I have been saving up and for my tenth anniversary I am getting a bathroom installed in the basement. I am going all out. Well, as all out as I can afford. I am getting a two person tub with jets, in floor heating and a heat lamp so my wife can dry off and stay warm. Anyways the issue is that my brother is having money problems. He called me and asked if I could spa
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 04
    Font - He has a tendency to live beyond his means. We have similar jobs and salaries but he has a huge house with three and a half bathrooms. He drives a $150,000 truck that he will never use to tow, haul, or go offroad with. His wife's engagement ring cost as much as my motorcycle. My family lives in a bungalow my wife and I bought. It was built in 1956 and it is cozy for us and two kids. But my mom constantly compare our lifestyles. She loves showing people pictures of his Christmas decoration
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 05
    Font - The bathroom budget is $25,000 but it will probably go higher when the contractor starts working. My mom is backing him up. She says that I don't spend any money so I should have some saved to help out family. She is saying he might have to sell his truck or downsize his home. I told her that's not really my problem. He makes a little more than I do a year so he should have savings too. She said that he needs to have a big house so he can entertain since he wants to kiss as all the way up
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 06
    Font - I don't want to lend him money and watch him waste it and be disappoint my wife. She deserves a bathroom where she can take long baths without the kids, or me interrupting to use the toilet. I could cut corners and lend him some money but I really don't want to do that. Even if it means he has to sell his stuff.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 07
    Font - purplewoodcarver A - 3 hr. ago Enthusiast [6] Could be the fact that I desperately want a second bathroom, but NTA. All the reasons you cited are additional points for why you're NTA, but ultimately even without any mitigating factors your savings are yours and you don't owe anyone a loan (or gift, since it sounds unlikely he'd be able to pay you back).
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 08
    Font - notlucyintheskye - 3 hr. ago Professor Emeritas [93] If you get the chance to get a 2nd bathroom, GO FOR IT, even if it's just one full, one half bath. I'm not entirely sure how we ever survived in our home with just one.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 09
    Font - ugheffoff 1 hr. ago It's your money OP, period. Boohoo, brother may have to sell his truck. Maybe your wife can cry about it in her new tub. NTA and truthfully, screw him and the rest of your family. If they want to bail him out so badly let them open their wallets.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 10
    Font - what_a_dumb_idea · 1 hr. ago He should ask his mother to create a PowerPoint presentation to pitch the idea to the family. In it she needs to present on why they need to struggle and live frugally to support someone else's extravagant lifestyle. The PowerPoint must have lots of charts and pictures. If she goes through with it, make a video and show it every Christmas.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 11
    Font - CoffeeSpoons123 - 2 hr. ago Just wait until those kids are teenagers. I remember how my older brother became a GIANT bathroom hog when he was a teenager.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 12
    Font - sillybunny22 54 min. ago Exactly, don't think of it as "lending" because no way will that money come back and you'll still see him hosting big parties and going on lavish vacations. Now that he has this money for "bills" he can use the money he makes for more fun stuff! I recently completed a second bathroom renovation and it was worth every penny.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 13
    Font - notlucyintheskye 3 hr. ago Professor Emerita [93] ΝΤΑ it will probably go higher when the contractor starts working. It will absolutely go higher. We were quoted right around $20k for our bathroom reno and.......let's just say that number steadily creeped up when we realized that old plumbing is a literal nightmare on Earth that very rarely meets code/current standards. . She is saying he might have to sell his truck or downsize his home. As he should. Those are both options that grown ad
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 14
    Font - . Assia_Penryn - 3 hr. ago Enthusiast [7] A NTA Downsizing his truck isn't the same as needing food to live because something unexpected happened. Get the bathroom. It's quality of life.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 15
    Mammal - Strict-Fill-3914 56 min. ago Guaranteed he has "things in his garage to sell" boat, ATV, motorcycle, golf clubs, RV......
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 16
    Font - german_karma95 47 min. ago not just quality of life... sharing a bathroom with 4 people sounds like a scheduling nightmare and kids deserve privacy... also they're one undercooked chicken away from a literal catastrophy with one bathroom....
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 17
    Font - Livid-Assistant-7860 3 hr. ago NTA. Don't you dare lend him a dime ESPECIALLY if he is living beyond his means. Sorry not sorry. Enjoy your new bathroom
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 18
    Rectangle - Scrabblement. 3 hr. ago Aficionado [12] A NTA. If $25,000 will solve his problems, he could solve his own problems by selling his ridiculously expensive truck and buying a reasonably priced used car. Enjoy your new bathroom.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 19
    Font - Emilempenza. 1 hr. ago Exactly, if you have an asset you can sell, replace with a cheaper option at no negative consequence to your life, and solve your money problems, then you don't really have money problems.
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 20
    Font - Nunya13 34 min. ago No s. So OP is expected to give up the bathroom so his brother can keep his expensive truck? That makes no sense whatsoever. Imagine having to tell your family, "Sorry. No second bathroom. We all have to keep sharing one so Uncle John doesn't have to trade his big expensive truck for an SUV."
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 21
    Font - ilikebubblesandgum Parta: ipant [1] ΝΤΑ Don't enable him
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 22
    Font - International-Fee255 3 hr. ago Partsipant [4] NTA You aren't his ATM. You aren't responsible for his bad spending habits. You aren't in a position to lend (though I doubt you would get anything back) him any money. You ARE responsible for your own household and you have saved to provide for your family. Do no cut back to give him money. Go ahead with your plan in your own house. He can sell his car, downsize his house, quite spending money like it's going out of fashion.... his bad choice
    via r/AmItheA******
  • 23
    Font - SecretJealous4342 Aficionado [10] NTA. But knowing how families are if you change your mind and help him out get a signed loan agreement with a payment schedule and everything. Just CYA. A 31 - 3 hr. ago Reply Share Individual_Poem7543 OP 3 hr. ago I'm not planning on changing my mind but I hear you.
    via r/AmItheA******

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family drama aita kids mother siblings bathroom family DIY brothers anniversary
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